Take My Breath Away
by xEspeciallyNow
Summary: When Santana tries to fall out of love with Brittany there's always something that makes her want more.
1. Chapter 1

''_Take my breath away''_

…

To Brittany Santana was Santana but to Santana Brittany was someone else, she wasn't just a friend, she was someone who she thought was her soulmate, of course she'd never admit it to anyone as she didn't want to be considered a lesbian, been closeted would always be better than been out she had repeatedly told herself over the years. She'd wanted to tell Brittany on quite few occasions how she felt but she never plucked up the courage and had settled on been friends but been friends was better than not having Brittany in her life. She finally thought that she had come to terms with the two of them being nothing more than friends and occasional make out partners when Santana's boyfriends weren't around, more than likely in prison. But tonight she realised that everything she had been convincing herself was failing and she was in fact more in love with Brittany than she would care to have been. Santana knew her friend was beautiful inside and out but there was something about what she was wearing tonight that made her look nicer than normal. She was wearing an opal coloured dress that made her green eyes sparkle when the light hit them. She was stood across the room with other members of the Glee club while Santana stood at the drinks table. She could see her laughing and joking and for that moment all she could see in the room was her, everyone else and the surroundings were a blur, she could no longer hear the music and all she could hear was her heart beating incredibly fast, she should have been used to this feeling as she got it quite often but this time it was a little different. She no longer wanted Brittany but she needed her. She could see her laughing and there was just something about the way that her nose crinkled when she laughed that made Santana's heart flutter and she couldn't help but smile, seeing the person that she loved been so happy made her happy too.

No one, including Brittany had noticed that Santana had been acting slightly differently around her. She often tried to keep her distance so that she could oppress her feelings for her friend. She had continued to date boys, not date as to say but have had relations with, as soon as it came to kissing them the only person on her mind was Brittany. As much as she wanted to remove her from her mind she couldn't, the more she tried the longer she was there for, Santana soon gave up and realised that it was the next best thing to kissing Brittany herself which they didn't do as often as they used to as Brittany was still dating Artie much to Santana's disrelish.

Santana always got she wanted and didn't care or what got in her way and right now all she wanted was to spend the night with Brittany. She walked over with the same look and sparkle in her eye that she did whenever she wanted something which usually made everyone cave into her demands. Brittany who was still stood laughing and joking with Tina, Quinn and Artie hadn't realised that Santana had suddenly joined the group. Santana quietly cleared her throat which was quite out of character as she would normally speak over everyone so that she could be heard and would result in them slowly stopping their conversation so she could speak. Brittany looked over and smiled at her which made her heart melt but also made her want to say the next couple of words a lot more.

''I need to talk to you'' she begun, ''now''

Brittany had a confused look on her face but followed Santana out of the room and into the girls toilets.

''What do you need to talk about?'' Brittany asked with her head tilted to one side.

Santana, who had been looking at the ground the whole time, looked up and their eyes met. It was a very intimate look and if anyone had entered the girls toilets at this time it would have caused an awkward tension in the room but luckily no one had and both had been saved from questions regarding the look. It wasn't a look that friends usually gave each other, it was one more that lovers shared and made evident the connection between the two. When Santana was with Brittany she felt she could be herself and she could let her walls down, she didn't need to be cold hearted like everyone else thought she was that was just a defence mechanism and a way to stop her from forming friendships and relationships that would result in her getting hurt. This didn't stop her from having friends she did have some but there were only a few that were considered and the others were acquaintances that she wouldn't care if they never spoke again but then there was Brittany and she didn't fall into either of the categories instead she had her own which she was the only one in.

Brittany who was now sat in between the sinks was slightly confused to why Santana had brought here, she had hardly said anything for the past five minutes and had instead been looking down at the floor trying not to make eye contact because if she did it would make not been able to kiss her more difficult. Of course she had brought her to the toilets to kiss but she didn't feel it was the right time anymore but at the same time she didn't want Brittany to leave. She slowly looked up and their eyes met, neither blinked. She quickly walked over to Brittany and closed her eyes as their lips met, her hands running through her long blonde curls, their tongues doing a dance that both were familiar with. Brittany didn't pull away and felt an unusual sense of longing and desperation in Santana that she had never seen before. It was like she needed her and that without Brittany she was nothing.

Santana knew that she shouldn't let herself fall in love and that it would often lead to heartbreak so she had a rule put in place; never kiss or sleep with the same person more than once but for some reason Brittany had always been an exception to the rule. Whenever she tried to follow the rule the sense of longing to be with Brittany got stronger and stronger until she couldn't handle it anymore and was back to square one again.


	2. Chapter 2

Santana awoke the morning after with a headache and a strange man laid next to her, his arm flung over her waist. She quickly but carefully removed it trying not to wake him up as she did so. She was having a quite a lot of trouble remembering his name, Mark, Mike… it didn't matter; it wasn't like she'd have to see him again after he went. Walking into the kitchen she groaned as she started to relive what happened that night, kissing Brittany, more than likely saying something that she would later regret and then sleeping with the mystery man. She put the coffee machine on and slowly rested her head on the counter after realising how much she had fucked up last night. It happened every time they went out and by now you'd have thought that she would be used to it but the more she did it the more filthy and disgraced she felt. How did she go from kissing Brittany to being with this man, and then she remembered, it happened every time Brittany had walked out of the toilets, Artie was waiting for her at the bar with some sort of cocktail that would make Brittany want to turn into a stripper, piece after piece of clothing would be thrown all over the room and by the time they got in the taxi to go home there'd be very little clothing left on her, Santana knew what would happen when they got home and the thought made her sick to her stomach, so she found the nearest man, married or not and started to flirt with him, playfully running her fingers through the little hair that he had, let him buy her a couple more drinks and then give him an offer he couldn't refuse. She'd then take him back to her apartment; there'd be no talking, no eye contact, just plain meaningless sex. After she'd roll onto her side, away from where he was laid and would try to sleep but couldn't.

Slowly lifting her head off the counter she saw him stood at the door wearing the same clothes he was the night before, ''I didn't wake you did I?'' She said acting like she sincerely cared for the man when in reality she couldn't even remember his name. He had hair the colour of dark rich chocolate and eyes that if you stared into for too long you'd think you were looking at an ocean. He walked over and stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist, ''want to repeat what happened last night?'' he seductively whispered in her ear, ''I leave repeats to TV shows'' she retorted and moved his arms from around her. It didn't take him long to take the hint that Santana wanted nothing to do with him, so with that he grabbed his jacket and shoes which were strewn across the apartment and left but not before giving her his number which she immediately tossed in the trash can.

Santana decided she needed to get out of the apartment; for once she wasn't working, so she took a walk to the local park, it wasn't her first choice of place to go and sit but she had to clear her head. Of course she couldn't stop thinking about what happened last night, she desperately wanted to talk to Brittany about what happened but every time she dialled her number her hand froze and couldn't press the button, instead she chickened out and dwelled about how much she wanted to be with her, how every time she saw her with Artie a part of her died inside, or when she saw her, her beauty took her breath away and she could no long breathe, it was like all the oxygen around her had disappeared. But she was taken and no matter how much she longed for them to be together it was never going to happen. All around the park were families and couples soaking up the summer sun, it wasn't very often that it was warm in Ohio but every time it was couples would visit the park and bring a picnic and sit on a mat under a tree and watch the sun set while drinking a glass of wine. Santana knew she wouldn't be at the park to see all that happen as she would be going to the local club where she would find another man to lure into her bed while constantly thinking of Brittany, and then in the morning she would have the delight of taking part in yet another ''the morning after'' conversation which she just loved.

* * *

_AN: Sorry if I'm using too many English words, I'm trying to Americanise them and more than likely failing._


	3. Chapter 3

There comes a time when you love someone, and you can't stop thinking about them, they're constantly on your mind, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, even in your dreams they're there. You can't imagine yourself with anyone else or without them. You feel so much love for them and without them you're nothing. Then there comes a time when you need to tell them how you feel just in case they feel the same way, deep down you know they don't but there's always an inkling of hope that they might just do.

After spending the night with Someone Like You and a bottle of Vodka Santana decided it was finally time to tell Brittany how she felt, after all it had been 5 years since she first realised she had feelings for Brittany, she had always wanted to tell her and seeing Artie with Brittany was killing her inside. She had nothing to lose by telling her, she was 100 percent sure that she was doing the right thing. Numerous years ago she had tried telling her how she felt but every time her mouth opened to say something the words wouldn't come out and her hands would become sweaty and would start to shake, so instead she would make up some lame excuse that she doubted if Brittany actually believed. Her fingers slowly typed Brittany's number, her mind knowing it off by heart. Her starts to beat faster even though she's only going to ask her if she's free sometime this afternoon so that they can catch up, although it has only been two days since they last saw each other and Brittany usually doesn't have anything planned on a Sunday afternoon so she doesn't see why she can't come over, it wouldn't be for long because once Santana told her how she felt she was sure she would freak out and run who wouldn't? She was soon met with Brittany's warm and friendly answer phone message, "hey it's Brittany and Artie, please leave a message after the beep, beeeeep" they said taking it in turns to say a line and then both saying the last annoying beep together before bursting into fits of laughter. If Brittany didn't answer the phone it meant two things, a: she was dancing or b: she was preoccupied with Artie which made Santana feel nauseas either that or the amount of alcohol she drunk last night."Hi, uhm, it's me" Santana begun, " I just wondered if you wanted to come over this afternoon for a catch up? I'm going to be home all day so you can just come whenever you're not busy, okay bye.'' She wasn't quite sure if Brittany was going to even get the message as she had habit of not listening to the voicemails until months after they had been sent.

When there was a knock at the door Santana wasn't expecting to see Brittany stood there, her eyes red and puffy from crying and holding a cardboard box which looks like it had some of her belongings in it and a suitcase placed by her feet. Santana wrapped her arms around her as tears began to roll down Brittany's cheeks. She usually didn't like being so close to her as she was still trying to forget how she felt about her. She took her into the room and then went back to the door to pick up the suitcase before asking what happened. Santana couldn't really understand what she was saying and instead was sympathetically nodding.

''I just don't know what to do'' she sobbed, ''I really thought we were going to get married''

''I know you did, but maybe this is for the best, you'll find someone who is worthy of your love and someone who will love you just as much as you love them if not more''

As much as Santana wanted to tell Brittany how she felt she knew now wasn't the best of times and instead had to be there for her as her friend and nothing more.

''You're going to stay with me and we're going to watch Dirty Dancing and other girly movies and eat too much ice cream''

Brittany weakly smiled, ''thank you''

Santana quickly changed the covers on her bed and emptied a couple of drawers for Brittany, ''you can sleep in here,'' she said showing her into the bedroom, ''I've emptied the top two drawers for you to put your clothes in, there's not a lot of room but I'll sort out more space for you tomorrow. I'm going to let you get unpacked and while you're doing that I'm going to go to the store and get us some ice cream, will you be okay by yourself?''

Brittany nodded.

''Chocolate or strawberry ice cream? Santana asked

''Chocolate'' she replied.

Santana walked out of the door and let out a sigh of relief. She hadn't expected them to break up and then to have her stood at the door with her belongings. Of course she didn't mind Brittany staying, well she did a little but would never tell her as it would kill her inside. It's not that she didn't want her there it was just that she knew that she would act upon her feelings and she would feel like she was taking advantage of Brittany's vulnerability. She had been panicking for the past hour since she had been there, all she wanted was to hold her and tell her how she felt and that if they were ever to be together she would protect her and never let her down but she can't and she couldn't, not yet, but for now she had to put her feelings aside which wouldn't be easy but then again nothing ever was easy in Santana's life.


End file.
